Make-A-Wish UPDATE

Here is a picture of the playset they are planning to build in our backyard. It's HUGE! And it's very generous. There will be an additional structure with a special swing for Boo and a swing beside it for one of us to keep her company. May the kids have hours and hours of fun with each other and may they create special memories with Boo.

The Universal Language of Zert

My three-year old son asked me for some zert after dinner.

“Zert! You want some zert? What kind of zert do you want?”

“Brown zert!”

“Hmmm. I have white zert with brown in it. Will that do?”

“Yay!”

So I got out the jumbo bucket of vanilla-fudge-swirl ice cream. “Yay, zert!”

Zert comes in so many different flavors and colors. It’s hard not to love it, especially when you’re a kid. My grandmother used to take us to Thrifty’s long before it became Rite Aid and buy us each a scoop of ice cream. We tried mocha, praline, malted crunch, rainbow sherbet and strawberry. You name it we tried it. We’d even sampled each other’s zert.

Nothing bonds hearts, young and old, like zert.

My own kids have a special bond with their grandparents thanks to zert. Grandpa is known as the big dipper and he makes sure each child gets a scoop so big it makes their eyes pop out and their hearts swell with pride. That’s the power of zert.

When my parents dated, they fell in love over zert. They were a bit experimental and tried blueberry buckle one time and still laugh about how awful it was to this day, but that experience only drew them closer together. Zert is like that. No matter the flavor, when part of a memory it evokes a sentimental and romantic yearning.

Even my husband and I share a courtship where zert played a significant role. My husband, before he emigrated to this country, lived in Australia and would often surprise me with tickets in the mail for free pints of Ben & Jerry’s zert. And for our wedding celebration we shared a pint of chocolate fudge brownie for zert.

Now the youngest of he family has discovered the wonders of zert. He’s become quite the connoisseur. There is brown zert, white zert, pink zert and Superman zert. Zert comes in bowls, on cones and sometimes in little plastic cups. And sometimes, if you’re really good, there’s a musical zertmobile that travels the neighborhood and mom will give you a dollar to get your very own zert that you can eat outside, barefoot, while running in the wind.

But no matter what kind of zert he eats or how it’s served, somehow it always ends up covering him from head to toe.

“Woman, why do you keep giving him zert?” my husband says. “He’s a mess. Look at him.”

I do, but all I can see is joy in those eyes and the big grin dripping with ice cream. Isn’t that what zert is supposed to make you feel like?

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©Lisa Barker - Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!

Run, Barbie, run!

When my toddler walks by with a naked Barbie doll, her hair drenched and dripping, I know Barbie has been skinny-dipping in the toilet. Call it a mother’s instinct. No matter what the circumstances are, moms have a way of putting two and two together and coming up with the exact scenario.

Too bad I’m not psychic. Think of all the horrors I could save Barbie from.

Like that time she and her friends had been decapitated and Mom had to discern which head belonged to which doll. What is it with boys and decapitation? My girls look at a Barbie and they see a mother, a teacher, a nurse or some other role they would like to play. My sons look at a Barbie and they see an opportunity to pull somebody’s legs, arms and head off and hide them in various places around the house. Is this early serial killer play?

I hope not
.
Still, I can imagine that Barbie and her friends are terrified of being discovered by one of the boys. Who knows when the dolls will be jammed into a too-small car, wearing only a knotted scarf and a single red boot, and sent hurtling down the hallway where they will smash headlong into the wall? No crash dummy ever had it so rough.

But this doesn’t just happen in my house. A friend of mine described a day when she was cleaning her home in the anticipation of company and at the last moment found Barbie and several of her friends, naked and dangling helplessly in the Ficus tree.

Now some moms will not allow their girls to play with Barbie dolls. They don’t want their girls to grow up thinking that the ideal woman is twelve inches tall with a four-inch bust and a waist to match. But my sisters and I are living proof that girls can play with Barbie dolls and aspire to a much larger bust measurement.

Our minds were never narrowed by Barbie’s perfect image.

In fact, when one of our Barbie dolls lost an arm or leg or suffered a broken neck, they were mended as well as we could manage and they remained a part of the Barbie clan. As children, we opened the doors of equality and paved the way for handicapped Barbie dolls of every color, size and shape…and that translated into our character and attitude later in life.

My girls do that with their own dolls. Barbie really brings out their nurturing side.

Suddenly, I hear the predictable cry of outrage as another Barbie is discovered dismembered and buried in a shallow grave of Legos. It looks like my daughters will have a lot more nurturing to do real soon.

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©Lisa Barker
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com/. Sign up for the free Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!

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Jelly Mom Column Voted One of The Top Sites On The Internet

Syndicated humor columnist, Lisa Barker, stands out on the web. Jelly Mom fans vote for favorite column and site.

Salinas, CA (PRWEB) August 9, 2006 -- The 2006 MomsTown Blog Poll of websites that support moms was a big hit this year and provided the material for at least one episode of the Dr. Phil show.

Of the sites that received the most votes JellyMom.com is listed among the top sites. (http://www.momstown.com/blogpoll.html)

"I was excited to be recognized by other moms for my humor column. I'm always thrilled when I hear that others can relate to the stories I tell. When they laugh out loud and it makes their week, I know I've done my job. Being listed as one of the top sites in the MomsTown Blog Poll is a really big honor," says Lisa Barker.

"Jelly Mom," syndicated by Martin-Ola Press / Parent To Parent, is a popular award-winning parenting humor column that is available for newspapers, magazines, e-zines and newsletters. It can be found on over thirty-five parenting and humor websites and is quickly gaining fans through print media.

For more details on publishing Jelly Mom, visit: http://www.jellymom.com/editors-pubinfo.php

Lisa's latest book, "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane Doesn't Mean You're a Bad Parent!" is now available. See www.JellyMom.com for details.

ABOUT MOMSTOWN:
MomsTown moms, Mary Goulet and Heather Reider, met over mochas and macchiatos in July of 2003. Mary had been hosting a successful radio show for Entrepreneur magazine and Heather had just started the burgeoning "MomsTown Reality Radio." Before we had time to finish our coffee, it was clear we were destined to combine forces and create a company dedicated to enhancing the lives of moms.

Within three months of working together, a senior editor at Hyperion Books in New York recognized the grassroots effort and said to us, "You gals are onto a revolution. Moms need to know they can be hip and savvy, smart and sexy." We were signed to a publishing deal with Hyperion, and we've continued to spread the MomsTown message, most recently with major appearances on the Dr. Phil Show.

For more about MomsTown visit: http://www.momstown.com

# # #

Youth Is But A Memory For This Mom

There comes a time in your life when you wonder how old you have to be before you’re considered a real adult...even though you still want to have some fun with the kids.

Earlier this summer we took the kids to the Santa Cruz Beach and Boardwalk to ride the rides. Grandma and Grandpa came along, too. The kids all paired off with ride buddies and that left me as a singleton.

Well, I don’t happen to think I’m too old to have a good time, so I rode by myself on a souped up merry-go-round. Never mind that it was near my appointed nap time on any other given day and I was caught yawing as I zoomed passed the crowd, but my parents stood there and waved at me every time I passed.

Who would have thought that at age thirty-seven I’d still have my parents waving and taking pictures from the sidelines while I rode the merry-go-round? This causes one’s ego a bit of discomfort, I tell you.

I tried to ignore their pleased expressions as I wobbled through the exit gate. I can’t recall the last time I rode such a ride, but I’m sure it didn’t leave me that disabled.

Naturally, I tried to save face by pairing up with my nine-year old son using the excuse that he needed an adult to ride with him and that was exactly what I was doing; I was riding as a chaperone.

So I screamed when he turned us upside down in a cage on a Ferris wheel. I never wondered what it felt like to be strained through a colander, but I now know it is a rather painful, if not embarrassing, experience.

Forty feet in the air, stuck in an upside-down position with my gut clenched tight by a one-size-fits-no-adult seatbelt and all the blood rushing to my face, I let everyone at the Boardwalk know that I was ready to make a deal with the Almighty.

“Just get me down, now!”

This sent my son into a fit of contagious laughter and reminded me that I have one very weak bladder...and did not bring a spare change of clothes. There just isn’t any way to gracefully exit a ride like that and I unceremoniously placed my lunch in the trashcan. Did I win a prize?

Oh, yeah. Tickets for all the kids - $136.00. Hot dogs and sodas $18.50. The hysterical laughter and cheeky grins on my parents’ faces – priceless.

It's not too late to create more wonderful memories this summer. Take your kids and your parents to the nearest amusement park and make sure you bring plenty of film for the camera. You won’t want to miss the opportunity to capture the last fleeting moments of your youth and sanity.

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©Lisa Barker
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press /Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters.

Cats Provide Cheap Entertainment

Do you remember those Saturday mornings when you werea kid and watched Bugs Bunny cartoons until noon? Doyou remember the really, really large pink bunny withthe Russian accent that fell madly in love with Bugsduring one episode?

She’s famous for squealing: “ Give me LARGE bunyahugs!!!” And then she squeezes the life out of poorBugs.

Well we have this cat.... And I’m not saying she’sfat, but to say she is pleasantly plump is putting it nicely.

She was an eight-pound cat a few months ago, butlately she’s mooched enough to gain nearly fivepounds. That’s why she’s called Moocher. She’s alsogot a limp from a leg that has been broken twice now,but thanks to some good veterinary work she’s NOT alsocalled Tri-pod.

But here’s the kicker. Whenever she sees our littlemischievous kitten Loki tear by, all of a sudden thiscat can skip and prance just like that big fat pinkbunny and she chases after Loki, calling out, “Comeheeere leeetle one and give me LARRRRGE BUNYA HUGS!”

And poor Loki knows she better run like a mad kitty,because when Moocher wraps her forearms around her shejust squeezes her in a death lock and smooches her up. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m telling you,that cat smiles broader than Alice in Wonderland’sCheshire Cat while she’s prancing after poor Loki.

Now, I know bipolar disorder runs in my family, but Ididn’t think the cats would have it. Can a cat gettoo manic? You ought to see Moocher playinghide-and-go-seek with Loki. “Leeetle kitten! Whereare you hiding?? I go seeking....” She prances andhides, then stalks poor Loki and when her cover isblown, she prances some more.

The rest of the adult cats flatten their ears sidewaysand stare at anything but Moocher as if, by failing toacknowledge her, she isn’t really acting so ridiculous! Oh, the shame of it!

The kitten’s playfulness is contagious. Some catsrequire a little catnip. All Moocher needs is alittle furball to chase after. You should see thatkitten run! “Wheeeze, gasp, wheeze—help!”

“Leeetle kitten, I am seeking for you!”

Now is the time when Loki can be thankful that her‘parents’ are two adult human beings that can whiskher up off the ground and away from Manic Moo.

“Give me leetle kitten! Here leetle one! Let me loveyou!”

There comes a time when a cat owner just has to put anoverly enthusiastic feline on a time-out. Poor,pitiful Moo stares out of her crate. “No morelove-loves?”

“No more love-loves.” Kids or cats, there’s never adull moment in this household.

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©Lisa Barker
LISA BARKER of Greenfield, California is a syndicatedhumor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is“Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ... Doesn'tMean You Are A Bad Parent!” See www.JellyMom.com formore information.

Make-a-Wish Update #2

They just called to let us know that the playset was approved. They are looking around for companies and contractors that can do the project. They need to find the special equipment for Boo.

Please pray that this project will also include the other kids. Bec's illness is so hard on them and they could use a pick-me-up, too, and would love to not only play with Bec on the playset but also play by themselves and let out all that energy.

Playing outdoors really helps them cope.

And as mom to this brood my heart aches for all of them.

Here's Boo in her new chair!

Here she is in her hot (pink!) little wheelchair. The kids and I colored Spongebob and friends on her wall. If you want to see recent pics of Boo and her room and all the cards on her wall from well-wishers, look here: http://becca-boo-baby-boo.blogspot.com

As soon as I can I will get updated pictures of all the other kiddos up. As always, thanks for your constant prayers for all of us.

Make-a-wish update

Last Saturday volunteers for the Make-a-Wish foundation visited to see how they might be able to grant a wish for Boo and the family. Here's the update:

Well, we struggled to come up with ideas. My husband doesn't want to get or do anything for Boo that she doesn't get much out of because he doesn't want to take advantage of Make-A-Wish, so he nixed a lot of 'family' ideas. He also didn't want to get anything that would later remind him of her in a bad way (something that would make him think of how she could never use such and such).

It was very hard for him and he broke down after the visit.

But we did manage to talk around/about the idea of a playset out back (we have a huge untamed backyard so there is room for it) - something that we could equip with a special swing for Boo and a shady place she can sit/lay/play with slides and swings for the older kids, too...so they would have happy memories of doing things with Boo and she could go outside any time and easily be right back at home when she was done. (Traveling is very difficult for her sometimes. She can get out of sorts leaving her familiar routine and home.)

So it's in the hands of Make-A-Wish to see if they think it's a good idea and doable.

They told us to come up with a second idea in case that one doesn't work. I think Boo would just appreciate some different Spongebob DVDs to watch. That makes her happy.

Planning to stay home with the kids? Get fit!

Planning to stay home with the kids? Get fit!
©Lisa Barker

My three-year old son has taken to running out the front door and blindly down the middle of the street. Needless to say, this is making me a nervous wreck.

Well, I needed to give my attention to the visiting nurse that is helping me care for my youngest daughter. I can't have the little fireball slipping out every five minutes, so I sent him to his room.

The next thing I know, the neighbor is ringing my doorbell and she's got my son in tow. He'd stripped himself down to his diaper and then escaped out the bedroom window and was found running around the street naked.

I'm too old for this.

Oh, but it doesn't end there. If you thought that antic was hair-raising, wait until you read on. My toddler is out to have me committed and he just might push me over the edge.

I put a Wiggles CD in the stereo. This makes my young ones happy as all get out. They laugh, they clap; the three-year old hops up and down shouting the words because he can't yet carry a tune.

How long did I look away? Three minutes? I look back and there he is with the curtain wrapped around his head like a super-twisted turban. One more turn and he might have sucked his brain out.

Naturally, I bark at him and he tries to run away. You can't do that when you're scalp is attached to the draperies. After a few wild counter turns, he managed to escape without popping off his head.

I thought staying at home would mean more of those lovey-dovey moments I'd surely miss if I worked outside the home. Word from the wise: Don't quit your day job.

The guilt you may suffer is wasted on a figment of some child expert's imagination. What do they call it? Oh, yeah, quality time. That would be the time you hope to spend creating endearing memories of childhood. Well, I spend most of my time saving my childrens' necks or threatening to break them myself.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE being at home with the kids. But moms need to get real about what staying home means. This isn't Romper Room. This is Survivor with American Gladiators matches thrown in for fun.

If you're planning to stay at home with the kids, first get a personal trainer. I know this may be difficult to do between the time you deliver and bring the child home, but maybe if you run alongside the car as your husband drives, you'll build up some stamina before you get home and that baby starts screaming at you.

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Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press /Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters.

Cats provide cheap entertainment

Cats Provide Cheap Entertainment
©Lisa Barker

Do you remember those Saturday mornings when you were a kid and watched Bugs Bunny cartoons until noon? Do you remember the really, really large pink bunny with the Russian accent that fell madly in love with Bugs during one episode?

She’s famous for squealing: “ Give me LARGE bunya hugs!!!” And then she squeezes the life out of poor Bugs.

Well we have this cat.... And I’m not saying she’s fat, but to say she is pleasantly plump is putting it nicely.

She was an eight-pound cat a few months ago, but lately she’s mooched enough to gain nearly five pounds. That’s why she’s called Moocher. She’s also got a limp from a leg that has been broken twice now, but thanks to some good veterinary work she’s NOT also called Tri-pod.

But here’s the kicker. Whenever she sees our little mischievous kitten Loki tear by, all of a sudden this cat can skip and prance just like that big fat pink bunny and she chases after Loki, calling out, “Come heeere leeetle one and give me LARRRRGE BUNYA HUGS!”

And poor Loki knows she better run like a mad kitty, because when Moocher wraps her forearms around her she just squeezes her in a death lock and smooches her up. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m telling you, that cat smiles broader than Alice in Wonderland’s Cheshire Cat while she’s prancing after poor Loki.

Now, I know bipolar disorder runs in my family, but I didn’t think the cats would have it. Can a cat get too manic? You ought to see Moocher playing hide-and-go-seek with Loki. “Leeetle kitten! Where are you hiding?? I go seeking....” She prances and hides, then stalks poor Loki and when her cover is blown, she prances some more.

The rest of the adult cats flatten their ears sideways and stare at anything but Moocher as if, by failing to acknowledge her, she isn’t really acting so ridiculous! Oh, the shame of it!

The kitten’s playfulness is contagious. Some cats require a little catnip. All Moocher needs is a little furball to chase after. You should see that kitten run! “Wheeeze, gasp, wheeze—help!”

“Leeetle kitten, I am seeking for you!”

Now is the time when Loki can be thankful that her ‘parents’ are two adult human beings that can whisk her up off the ground and away from Manic Moo.

“Give me leetle kitten! Here leetle one! Let me love you!”

There comes a time when a cat owner just has to put an overly enthusiastic feline on a time-out. Poor, pitiful Moo stares out of her crate. “No more love-loves?”

“No more love-loves.” Kids or cats, there’s never a dull moment in this household.

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LISA BARKER is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” See www.JellyMom.com for more information.